Filed under: Uncategorized
I’ve been struggling with this for years now. For awhile it was out of control and I was having frequent panic attacks. For awhile it was completely under control and I almost forgot what it was like to have an attack.
Unfortunately it looks like my meds aren’t working anymore, maybe I need a higher dose or just a different med. I don’t know. But I need something because what I have now just ain’t workin’.
Granted there is new stress. Serious job uncertainty in a world where the job market STINKS. Credit card debt to dig out of, which isn’t fun to begin with but pair that with the very real possibility of losing your job and the “badness” increases exponentially. Add to that the cost of home heating oil and I think my head just might explode.
Found my resume last night, which is huge because I haven’t been able to find it since….oh…..forever. The really funny thing is, I found the hard copy that my now finace faxed to the company I now work for….he faxed it back in December 1996. Thank goodness I kept that. So I don’t need to start over, just need to update and get it on monster.com. I was feeling a little better after finding my resume.
But then I woke up this morning. In a cold sweat. Damn I forgot how awful that is.
Then the engine light in my car went on today. A normal person would probably get irritated, swear a little and then say “ok, need to bring it in to get looked at”. Me? Nope. I broke into a cold sweat and stayed that way for the entire 25 minute ride home. Fought back tears the entire ride too. I couldn’t even stay to visit my parents like I usually do, for whatever reason I HAD. TO. GET. HOME. Apparently to me, the engine light was the end of the world. I have no idea why. I still get freaked out when I look outside at my car.
The anxiety is starting to come back in a more constant state now, instead of just being an over-reaction to a bad situation it’s happening randomly again. Not good. That’s the worst part, the randomness. I still remember one attack when I was living alone. It was really late at night (or, really early in the morning…) and I was watching I Love Lucy on Nick at Night because I wasn’t able to sleep. Funny show, right? So what do I do? I start the whole crying, trouble breathing, “have to get out” etc routine. It was awful and it came out of nowhere.
So anyway. I have to call my doctor tomorrow morning to see if he’ll give me a new script so I can get through this. And I took a vacation day, but due to “stuff” that happened (or, more to the point, DIDN’T happen) on Friday I think I’m going to go in. And, I’ll have to take my car to get looked at. Hope it isn’t anything expensive. Maybe it’s just a bad sensor or something.
*sigh*
Leave a Comment so far
Leave a comment
